I don't know what to do or say when it comes to my mother.
Yesterday I received a call from her,and she started talking about things,my brother..then she said " Ping, you are 30 years old ( Jesus when did I turn 30 already? anyway) why cant you get a boyfriend? who is gonna marry a spinster and your old schoolmates have children" apparently in her opinion I look aged and she said it right to my face ( Do I need to dress in pink and hello kitty that way makes her happy? or chubby just so I look healthy and well fed)
As far as I recall,my blood was at a boiling point as I basically said " That is it mum,I am gonna hang up" I must have said it three times before she hung up on me. here it goes our conversation always ended with either of us pissed off or both.we don't often speak to each other unless there is something to discuss or let me know about,for once I didn't call them for months,I suppose I just didn't feel like it.
You know,sometimes how I wish I can talk to her about work and life in general,but I just cant..with this generation gap,and deep looted tradition.all she ever said to me is something I have already known,she just emphases it over and over on my head,what I ought to obey social rules,and how come I make less than my peers,why dont I stay with one job?and I am cold blooded not care about them and my brother's problem.. what others ,neighbors,friends are gonna think. well do I give a fuck what the heck they think? I don't live with them,hardly ever see them once a year! I couldn't want follow their footsteps no matter how I struggle to make a living here,It is my life and I am going to work it out myself.
She is not even 50,and her vision has blurred in recent years,and starts to forget things..I am not really a listener,and when I get short on tempers,I would just say whatever comes in my head without hesitation,and I guess I have hurt her feelings for so many times that I am very sorry and I should not have done that.she raised my brother and I and sent us both to schools for the best education we could have,my brother went to university and I studied English on her minium wage she had received for over 20 years,( I could be working in a factory now).and our dad is a pure loser who barely covers for his own expenses.
What if I never marry and never have a child,do I have to go to war with her then?how in the hell do I make her to understand me? I guess I have tried and failed so far.
I'm sure a lot of people here knows you are better than that. It was just a suggestive humor, a satire so to speak and definitely not pertaining to you.
Hahahahaha. That's why I'm never motivated to learn Mandarin. The advantage is I get to avoid mistakes like these. It's better to not know rather than take offense at something that I simply did not 'get'.
What I don't like most about this cultural practice is that parents are not wanting the best for their sons/daughters, they are really just thinking about themselves and their own welfare as they get older. Marriage here is just as much of a financial transaction as anything,and very much a practical matter. It is too much pressure for the only child generation, to have to think about providing the best for their children and providing for the parents. I know a lot of Asians think that Westerners don't take of old people in the society well. that we just shunt them off to an old folks homeat the earliest oppurtunity,but in reality a system where money just flows in one direction (down the hill) is easier. Our parents are expected to have made adequate provisions for themselves and provide for children, and then the children do the same- paying it forward,so to speak.
Another point worth making is that don't think parents in the west don't put any pressure on their children to settle down, they do, just nowhere near to the extent it is the case here. It isn't completely eradicated though.
There have been loads of times I haven't gotten along with my mother also, I was always (and still am) much closer to my father. My mother has never really listened to me either.
You make empty threats to your mum and so she never takes you seriously. Next time don't bother warning her about hanging up, just do it and unplug the phone.
My mum and I don't get along. I love her, but she and I are polar opposites and within five minutes of being in the same vicinity it's an all out verbal war, so we just exchange an 2-3 SMS's daily and facetime once in awhile to make sure that we let each other know we love each other. But we can't have long conversations...it's just too painful. My mum stopped trying to tell me what to do a long time ago, she learned her lesson during my teenage years. I was stubborn and no amount of nagging or overbearing parenting was going to change me.
Hi Ping, please take it easy...your mom is concernened...she calls and is not able to bring through her thoughts to you. China is going in fast lane and its hard to keep the pace (i guess for everyone). maybe you should just tell her the things you told us. and i see so many similarities in the two of you
Haha,that is too bad,i thought mine was just being chinese.
I have always thought about what to wear at her presence,as I dress up she is going to nag how I waste money on clothes and accessories but then to me,it is like " well it is my money!"
And if I dress modestly,I look old in her opinion,she wont be happy neither way.she barely sees me once a year and it is like she is always keeping an eye on me,and judging by my every move as if I have turned to be a stranger which I often find it so annoying and offensive,in fact I know my dad,aunt ..they all "observing".
It is better I just keep things to myself,and choose the topic with her,and talk about the thing she rather wants to talk about.afterall I spend a limited amount of time with her.
You are young enough! you are only 30.