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I don't know what to do or say when it comes to my mother.

Yesterday I received a call from her,and she started talking about things,my brother..then she said " Ping, you are 30 years old ( Jesus when did I turn 30 already? anyway) why cant you get a boyfriend? who is gonna marry a spinster and your old schoolmates have children" apparently in her opinion I look aged and she said it right to my face ( Do I need to dress in pink and hello kitty that way makes her happy? or chubby just so I look healthy and well fed)

As far as I recall,my blood was at a boiling point as I basically said " That is it mum,I am gonna hang up" I must have said it three times before she hung up on me. here it goes our conversation always ended with either of us pissed off or both.we don't often speak to each other unless there is something to discuss or let me know about,for once I didn't call them for months,I suppose I just didn't feel like it.

You know,sometimes how I wish I can talk to her about work and life in general,but I just cant..with this generation gap,and deep looted tradition.all she ever said to me is something I have already known,she just emphases it over and over on my head,what I ought to obey social rules,and how come I make less than my peers,why dont I stay with one job?and I am cold blooded not care about them and my brother's problem.. what others ,neighbors,friends are gonna think. well do I give a fuck what the heck they think? I don't live with them,hardly ever see them once a year! I couldn't want follow their footsteps no matter how I struggle to make a living here,It is my life and I am going to work it out myself.

She is not even 50,and her vision has blurred in recent years,and starts to forget things..I am not really a listener,and when I get short on tempers,I would just say whatever comes in my head without hesitation,and I guess I have hurt her feelings for so many times that I am very sorry and I should not have done that.she raised my brother and I and sent us both to schools for the best education we could have,my brother went to university and I studied English on her minium wage she had received for over 20 years,( I could be working in a factory now).and our dad is a pure loser who barely covers for his own expenses.

What if I never marry and never have a child,do I have to go to war with her then?how in the hell do I make her to understand me? I guess I have tried and failed so far.

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PING, I am much older than you are.

I still piss off my mom from time to time, and she pisses off me too.

But the frequency is much less than when I was in my 20's.

So, please expect another ten years being pissed off by each other, then take it easy and slowly. I mean, even after you are married, and get a kid....

It saddens me and gets on my nerves so bad whenever I think about it,friends have always told me to sweet-talk to them,and just keep saying " uhmm..yes mum",I am not sure I can do that,I have wanted to tell her to get over it,like it or not,it is what I am,she should have known me better,and I cant live by her expectations.

hmm,i think i can understand how u felt...most chinese parents r like that i guess...i did piss my parents off sometimes too and there's once i didn't call for months after they showed their oppositon for the marriage plan proposed by the bf at that moment and i...they,especially my dad just can't accept foreigners at all...but i came to know that they loved me so much that they were worried i wouldn't be happy to live alone in Ireland...i don't know it's gd thing or bad thing,but since then,my parents never asked about my relationship status although sometimes they would beat around the bush...and i came to know from my cousin months ago that they were worried that i would never want to get married...i felt sad about them at that moment because it would be so terrible that they couldn't speak the things out to me even if they really wanted to...I can never be so sure about what's going on in the next few months,or a year or two...but who knows,maybe i'll just get married the end of next year with a chinese guy if i'm in a mood to...and might get divorced really quickly after...opps,hope not:)       @PING don't really get mad with ur family...tell ur mum how u really feel and that u wanted her to listen to ur feelings like most mum do...i think she will understand...

Very well. We have the same amount of respect for each other. I think nobody understands her more than I do. She's the epitome of peace and tranquility after a very difficult young life.

Ping, I for one salute you! I'm so sick of Chinese girls whose mom's are their best friends. Lol. Perhaps next time she asks about marriage tell her your a lesbo and you're thinking of proposing to your gf if that'd make her happy... She'll never ask about marriage again! Or just tell her u have a bf now so she'll shut up and ask a male friend to go with u on spring festival to be your pretend bf, this happens a lot here right?

If I ever have to bring a pretend boyfriend home,I might as well not going,just pack my bag and go travel.

I have been in Beijing for a total two years,I stayed here for the entire time including the spring festivals. and how desperate and stupid is that?who do you think you are fooling in the end? plus I wont be bothered anyway.

If you want,and not charging you can go with me :-) 

In fact,I dont a best friend, good friends perhapsit is as far as it gets,sometimes there is a trust issue,but most of the times,we live own lives and need our personal space.

 

It would be my great honor! Lol. But seriously u didn't go back for spring festival for 2 years? Why not? That's crazy for a Chinese right? I forgot but I think I remember you're from Hunan/Hubei right?

She is your mom, of course she will call you and ask about your life. What she says and worries about you is true. Stop trolling on a website and go get a boyfriend to get married.

Thought I wont be too old for another ten years,guess I was terribly wrong.

This whole thing is fucked up,whatever I tell her something,she answers me with her narrow minded crazy ideologies.whenever I turn to her for support,no she makes you question yourself even more every time.

Ping,you are a good girl, pretty strong and independent. your mom is just worried about you.try this way: mom, i am looking for a better one/the best.you wont be happy to see me end up with a fucker/asshole/loser.so pls understand and give me time

Thank you,I have told her that.

I am just mad how she judge and interfere with my life and decision while she offers rather than constructive advice.

oh but she is Mom..my dad and i dont get on well(reasons are bit complicated),but to make "routine"calls is not a problem.we have mutual respect...there is one thing: i told dad last summer that i am seeing somebody,then surprisely,everybody(grandma, uncle, aunt, cousins..)got the info and asked me about the bf thing whom i never met since after in cny, i was so speechless! well, no blame. he is just a father like any other fathers who is proud of his daughter and wants her to be happy.

i think she just wants you to be happy, she undersands it isnot easy to make a living, so it gets life worse if you change jobs often. and she cant stop worrying about you,hopes you have somebody aside.that is why she mentiones bf..but you got hurt,lex hurts your pride.. though life is tough,we should always cherish what we have.

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