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Laowai and Chinese relationships- have you got to be bloody lucky to make it work?

This was posted about 9 months ago and reflect my findings at that time:

Do you have to be really lucky to find a really good match with a partner from a culture so diametrically opposed to your own?
Post relationship with a Chinese girl of the same age as me I seem to have lost faith in my compatibility with the majority of Chinese girls, I am (relatively) sure many laowai feel the same as me. To quote a British friend in Shanghai 'it'll never work'...

I made the effort of learning the Chinese language and culture (I was doing this irrespective) so communication from my part wasn't the problem. But I felt there were too many cultural barriers I think, such as:

1. The expectation to get married at around 25 (or at least within a year or two of meeting)
2. The expectation that my parents fund this wedding
3. The expectation that my parents also buy a house (somewhere suitable for her and her family)
4. The expectation that she shouldn't have to find a good job if she doesn't feel like (because I'll fund her)
5. The fact she has to gain approval of everyone else (friends/family) before making any decisions for herself, no matter how ill informed they may be
6. The expectation that since I have my own business I can move it to a place that suits her
7. The expectation that her parents come and live with us after a while
8. The constant mentioning of 'security' which to me translated into money
9. Constant changing and breaking of plans on a whim, much akin to the way Chinese business meetings that get held late, early, cancelled etc...
10. The confusion and disapproval as to why I 'think far too much' about things like politics, sociology and psychology

There were more but I think that's enough.

If any western girl said some these things to me after a while I would be thinking you can f*ck right off. But, not that I can blame her for all that when she's not assured of any thing in life in terms of security, so it becomes something of imperative importance.

I can't see how I'll ever be able to get over these barriers, even though I can understand the Chinese rational behind it and will be fluent enough to understand much of the language soon enough, I just can't accept this way of living. I'm sure not every Chinese female is like this, but this is based on my experience and the experience of most of my foreign friends I've met her. I'm not sure how Chinese guys find western girls?

Anyway that's my thoughts for now, despite being a self-confessed 'egg' and really enjoying living and being here, actually being with someone from this country isn't that easy, even if you compromise, some things just aren't possible.

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I think most girls from mainland China will have the expectations you described, unless the girl and her family have lived overseas. How about girls from Hong Kong and Singapore? Their thinking and expectations will be closer to the westerners.
Haha! Well I've not exactly gone on a conquest of Asian girls, just so happened I met one when I came to China! I think soon as I hear "I'm a traditional girl" then I know what to look out for though, although my previous girlfriend never professed to be.
we just go into a relationship guided by our hearts. not every girl in china the same. good luck!

why does every chinese girl tend to say basically the same bull crap line...  Never met a girl in mainland china that was "guided by her heart."

Of course not Roger, but they can't come out and say they are being guided by your wallet. That would simply not do.

Yes there are exceptions to the rule, but so what Angela. The rule still stands.

That's too bad, perhaps we could take a journey around the southern asia - for purely scientific reasons of course.
We'll we'd need at least 30 samples each to make it statistically valid, from each country. Sounds tough, but in the name of science...

No you don't. We all know what is generally true about women. If you don't your father was likely a pussy, and didn't teach you what it means to be a man.

June, girls from HK think in material terms first, in material terms second, and in material terms 3rd. Have I mentioned that they also think in material terms 4th and 5th? Normally both of a couple work here in HK and it is that the money she earns is hers and the money he earnis is theirs together. I cannot say much about the girls from Singapore so. My best buddy here is now together with a woman from Singapore and she really cares about him and not his material status. Only when they (HK girls) are in their 30ties they start to see that life is not only built on material things. Sorry, I hope I do not sound rude, June. Have a nice evening. Juergen

seriously...? I tend to find Singapore girls to be even more materialistic...

I think most of Chinese girls would do have the expectations you described. People do have a tight relationship with their families here. Thing may change when you' find a girl with good education background, good job and good salary.
Would you tell me how foreign girls thoughts instead? I'm really interested to know it. Thanks a lot!



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