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Laowai and Chinese relationships- have you got to be bloody lucky to make it work?

This was posted about 9 months ago and reflect my findings at that time:

Do you have to be really lucky to find a really good match with a partner from a culture so diametrically opposed to your own?
Post relationship with a Chinese girl of the same age as me I seem to have lost faith in my compatibility with the majority of Chinese girls, I am (relatively) sure many laowai feel the same as me. To quote a British friend in Shanghai 'it'll never work'...

I made the effort of learning the Chinese language and culture (I was doing this irrespective) so communication from my part wasn't the problem. But I felt there were too many cultural barriers I think, such as:

1. The expectation to get married at around 25 (or at least within a year or two of meeting)
2. The expectation that my parents fund this wedding
3. The expectation that my parents also buy a house (somewhere suitable for her and her family)
4. The expectation that she shouldn't have to find a good job if she doesn't feel like (because I'll fund her)
5. The fact she has to gain approval of everyone else (friends/family) before making any decisions for herself, no matter how ill informed they may be
6. The expectation that since I have my own business I can move it to a place that suits her
7. The expectation that her parents come and live with us after a while
8. The constant mentioning of 'security' which to me translated into money
9. Constant changing and breaking of plans on a whim, much akin to the way Chinese business meetings that get held late, early, cancelled etc...
10. The confusion and disapproval as to why I 'think far too much' about things like politics, sociology and psychology

There were more but I think that's enough.

If any western girl said some these things to me after a while I would be thinking you can f*ck right off. But, not that I can blame her for all that when she's not assured of any thing in life in terms of security, so it becomes something of imperative importance.

I can't see how I'll ever be able to get over these barriers, even though I can understand the Chinese rational behind it and will be fluent enough to understand much of the language soon enough, I just can't accept this way of living. I'm sure not every Chinese female is like this, but this is based on my experience and the experience of most of my foreign friends I've met her. I'm not sure how Chinese guys find western girls?

Anyway that's my thoughts for now, despite being a self-confessed 'egg' and really enjoying living and being here, actually being with someone from this country isn't that easy, even if you compromise, some things just aren't possible.

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I shall dissect in the order that it was written/posed by you

Be my guest.

You are still hurt hence your fear and insecurities.

Are you a shrink? No I did not think so. Insecure? No. I am very secure. It is how I am able to get most any woman I want. Pay attention pal.

Some men are more equal. You are a lesser man, accept and move on.
Any man that has to come out and say he is to another man he is more than them is overcompensating if you ask me. I never claimed to be more than you kiddo. Smarter maybe, as I'm not stupid enough to get married to make a woman happy. But better no. Just smarter.
May I suggest to you, since you have the temerity to suggest to me, that you married the wrong woman.
Yeah I figured you would say that. Would you say the same to the 50% of all people who get married, or the mere 8% who are still married that claim to be happy, and the other 92 who claim not to be?

You don’t know my arrangements. How can you comment objectively.

Because I do know your situation, because you told me about it dummy. You told me all about it. Duh. And by the way do you think you are the first guy I have talked to who is smitten, and has puppy dog eyes for some chick? Please.



I am very happy as a matter of fact and I needn’t shout from the Dome of St Paul’s.

You put words in my mouth. I never sad you were not happy. I did say that if you are so happy why change things? You do realize that getting married could make things worse, not better. Don't you? Ah, you don't realize that. Why does everything think marriage will somehow improve things? If things are so great, why mess with them kid? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. You are far too defensive, which leads me to believe you are not being so honest, especially with yourself.


I’m a thoroughly modern man.

What the hell does that mean?

Probably much more so than you.

Ah, you want to do some dick measuring. Is that it? Pal you take things far too seriously, and personally. Grow up.

I also like tradition. Without tradition, things die……..J Nicholson in a few good men.

What the hell does that mean? You do realize that marriage is an ancient practice of selling your daughters, or paying others to take them off your hands because a woman was considered a useless burden to her family, don't you? She was used to form alliances between families as well. Do you even know where the tradition of marriage comes from? It is only in the last century or so that marriage was changed to try and fit into a more modern world, with talk of romance and other nonsense. You don't know much about where the tradition comes from. By the way some traditions deserve to die, like slavery and such.

You are bitching about Swedes being a bunch of cuckold but was cuckolded by your missus hence divorce.

Half of all marriages end in divorce you moron. Do you have any idea what that means. Half?

You are the pussy actually.

Nope. Past tense moron. I "was" a pussy when I was a dumb young man. That is not now. Now I have big balls, and I use them regularly. If you doubt that you are a bigger moron than I thought. I am decent looking American guy who makes good money even in my own country, so that's great money here. If you think I have problems getting laid think again. I didn't even have problems back home, let alone here. Get a clue kid. Are you going to tell me you want more than just to get laid? You want to cuddle in bed with her? Have long talks with her? LoL. Pal you are a total pussy.

You got divorced and had things taken from you.

That's right, and so do half of all married men, because they were stupid enough to get married, because it is a bad business decision for men. Do you understand that? My objections to marriage are not, not emotional, but pragmatic. Investing everything I have for zero return, no dividends, but huge loss if it should fail, with continuing payments into that investment forever is a bad business deal. And by the way you would never make that business deal anywhere else except marriage. Your mistake to look at things subjective, and not objectively.

I have never lost a thing to a girl.

Hahaha, that's because you've never been married. I have experience you do not. But do you listen to me? No, you just get defensive, and throw insults, so I will throw them right back at you pussy boy. Get married, and see how it works for you. It is a business that fails half the time, and for the other 92% that stay married, well they aren't happy either, and stay mainly so they don't lose all their shit in the divorce. Basically because they can't afford it. All facts, but you do what you want ;)

You might want to revise your outlook and mind who you call Pussy when you are the biggest plum in town.

I am the biggest plum? How so? Are we speaking present tense. Because if we are you are way off. Getting laid when I want, spending no money on these women, and dumping them once they figure out they won't be getting any of my money works for me. If it doesn't work for you fine. Marry one woman because you don't have enough game to get others. Fine with me pussy boy. However you don't even know what pussy is. That would be you by the way. A guy who will give away half his shit to get laid regularly. That's a pussy. Do you open her door? Pick up her heavy bags? Hold her purse when she goes to the bathroom? Yep I bet you do pussy boy ;) I don't ;)

You got mugged, are bitter.

I've heard this before, and it is nonsense. I love women, and I am not bitter towards them at all. They do what they do, which is try to get as much from me as they can by putting out as little as they can, and I try to get as much from them as I can, while giving as little as I can. It works for both, and once one stops putting out there is another coming along to take the last ones place. I have plenty of money, and yes money does buy happiness when it is a lot. If a guy has pussy, money, and a good life he really doesn't need more. Marriage is for the poor and stupid. Like you.

Now are there some people who get married who are happy, and love it? Sure. Do people sometimes fall out of 10 story buildings and live? Sure, it happens, but so what. You telling me that the general rules don't apply to you is a little premature, seeing as you have not been married yet. I have, so I know more about marriage than you, but you don't listen. Anyhow the rules do apply to you, and it is rare that married people are really happy. You might beat the odds, but so what. I'm still right generally speaking, so what are you upset about pussy boy?

By the way I apologize for the weird format of my last post. I have no idea why it is so narrow, and ended up taking up so much space.

By the way kid most women are hookers. That you have not figured that out is shocking to me. Oh, and I have never paid for sex, never. At least not in the way you mean. No. However I and all men have likely done so when we were dumb and young through meals, concert tickets, and other nonsense that we were stupid enough to do when we were young. Unless we had a good father to tell us about the world. Something a lot of you young guys out there lacked. I am sure you lacked that kind of guidance pussy boy. Bye bye.

Errrr....what was that?? :-o 

TLDR. 

Chinese nation as a whole is friendly but foreigners yet need a bag of tricks and more stamina to cope with the traditional face of Chinese society which sometime makes non Chinese a little worried.I appreciate all my Chinese Friends and i think after a little bit of necessary hard work ,i have adjusted to everything here.

The pussy must be good here eh?

Everyone is adjusting already?

My name is juston ,I am an electronics engineer,I live in Guangzhou city ,Guangdong province.I would like to make some foreign friends.please add me up :juston,I am looking forward to hearing from you ,thank you.

8 years later...(bump)

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