This was posted about 9 months ago and reflect my findings at that time:
Do you have to be really lucky to find a really good match with a partner from a culture so diametrically opposed to your own?
Post relationship with a Chinese girl of the same age as me I seem to have lost faith in my compatibility with the majority of Chinese girls, I am (relatively) sure many laowai feel the same as me. To quote a British friend in Shanghai 'it'll never work'...
I made the effort of learning the Chinese language and culture (I was doing this irrespective) so communication from my part wasn't the problem. But I felt there were too many cultural barriers I think, such as:
1. The expectation to get married at around 25 (or at least within a year or two of meeting)
2. The expectation that my parents fund this wedding
3. The expectation that my parents also buy a house (somewhere suitable for her and her family)
4. The expectation that she shouldn't have to find a good job if she doesn't feel like (because I'll fund her)
5. The fact she has to gain approval of everyone else (friends/family) before making any decisions for herself, no matter how ill informed they may be
6. The expectation that since I have my own business I can move it to a place that suits her
7. The expectation that her parents come and live with us after a while
8. The constant mentioning of 'security' which to me translated into money
9. Constant changing and breaking of plans on a whim, much akin to the way Chinese business meetings that get held late, early, cancelled etc...
10. The confusion and disapproval as to why I 'think far too much' about things like politics, sociology and psychology
There were more but I think that's enough.
If any western girl said some these things to me after a while I would be thinking you can f*ck right off. But, not that I can blame her for all that when she's not assured of any thing in life in terms of security, so it becomes something of imperative importance.
I can't see how I'll ever be able to get over these barriers, even though I can understand the Chinese rational behind it and will be fluent enough to understand much of the language soon enough, I just can't accept this way of living. I'm sure not every Chinese female is like this, but this is based on my experience and the experience of most of my foreign friends I've met her. I'm not sure how Chinese guys find western girls?
Anyway that's my thoughts for now, despite being a self-confessed 'egg' and really enjoying living and being here, actually being with someone from this country isn't that easy, even if you compromise, some things just aren't possible.