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Why can't we just let teenage girls enjoy their sexuality?

Growing up in the Midlands in the 1990s, there were three main sources of information about sex: More magazine, late-night Channel 4 show Eurotrash and Judy Blume’s novel Forever. (Imagine my disappointment in later life when I realised that no man I met would ever admit to having a name for his penis, or a fetish for dressing up as a penguin.) The sex education lessons at my Catholic school were of the type parodied in Tina Fey’s film Mean Girls: “Don’t have sex … because you will get pregnant and die.”

So starts a Grauniad article by Helen Lewis linked here.  You can read the whole thing, but it’s quite long. So here are a few random paragraphs:

“There was a sense that I and many women I knew had been led astray by Hollywood and television depictions of sexuality,” Dunham has said, adding that she wants “… people, ultimately, even if they’re disturbed by certain moments, to feel bolstered and normalised by the sex that’s on the show.”

That is also the aim behind Caitlin Moran’s definitely-not-autobiographical novel How to Build a Girl, and Bryony Gordon’s memoir of her turbulent 20s, The Wrong Knickers. Both authors are funny and dirty, and they are plainly writing, if not exactly to their younger selves, then to girls like they once were.

Moran’s “no harm done” chirpiness is what her fans love. “Even now at 24, reading some of her pieces makes me realise that I’m not a complete freak, or hypersexual,” said Kathryn Felton. “Caitlin Moran has, as far as I’m concerned, essentially written the Holy Bible on female sexuality,” said Erin Walker, an 18-year-old student. “I appreciate the lack of shame she expresses when talking about her past as a ‘slut’, and how she’s working to eliminate the negative stigma around being a sexually active female who enjoys being sexually active.”

The article finishes with six well-known people giving their answers to “What I wish I’d known… and What advice I’d give to young women…”. Here are Miranda Sawyer’s [journalist, 47 years old] replies:

That it’s sexy. That it’s easy. That it gets better if you practise with a friend.

The only important rule is: never have sex with someone who doesn’t actually like you. Also, it’s best if the person you’re shagging is mentally there, as well as physically: meaning, not too out of it and wanting to sleep with you, rather than that attractive bottle of whisky/anyone with breasts/the coat-stand.

How would you answer those questions?

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the legal age in china and the age of your daughters having their first sex

I would have been horrified had I known at the time, but I wasn't told until about five or six years later in either case. As one of them said "It really was a big deal and I wasn't totally sure before or after. But looking back I think I did the right thing. Before I was spending too much time and effort wondering."

Dang... As a father, how did you feel finding out your daughters were having sex? If I had kids, I think I would keep them locked up until they were at least 21....

...if we are parents it is our responsibility to help our children make good decisions. 

In general, I believe most girls from their early to late teenage years should not be sexually active with partners.  I believe as a parent it is my responsibility to give them the feeling of self worth, self respect and confidence to withstand societies efforts to push them into activities that they might not be emotionally mature enough to handle. 

I would hope I could raise them so that they would make decisions based upon their own feelings.  I would also hope as a good parent, I would love them, respect them as individuals, regardless of the choices they make.

Ah, this topic always sound familar and complicate to me, especially in the society of real China.

I wished somebody could tell me what exactly is "sexuality" when I was a teenage. Yet, none. I thought it was an "evil" because nobody "should" as I was told or in my hearing.

Personally, sex education is extremely necessary. Whether we can just let teenage girls enjoy their sexuality or not, it's a question, isn't it?

A fucking good question. Why only "girls" are mentioned here? Why not boys too?

To my experience, I strongly think that teenagers should be told properly that, what's sex, what's sexuality and the possible results if you let them enjoy. I don't think it's good not to let them feel as they have rights to feel an "adventure" and even some of them can feel better at a very young age.

Shit! It's too complicated...

Wise words....from "Heather The Squirter"

Oh, my~ should I take it as a compliment? ;-P

Margaritas make things simple...

I might need a drinking buddy soon. Want to join me? :D

Yeah, why not? ;-P

I thought you were into ice cream cones?

Heather, why don't you retire from teaching Chinese, and teach sex education, drugs education to young girls... teach them how to put on a condom, write love letters, different sex position, use QQ to hook up or use wechat to weCHEAT?

Honestly, Mike, if I had a daughter, I'd raise her the way I was raised, but with more openness as to the topic of sex education. I would let her know of my boundaries. And well, I'm not really in agreement with "being easy" on teenage sexual activities.



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