▼The 8 Habits of Love & The Cicero Doctrine▼
Positive Taker-Watchers Spread Inspiration
MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS | 2012 EDITION | VOLUME 5
○ ○ ○
Barely a week after appearing on Oprah, the author of the critically-acclaimed book 8 Habits of Love (click image below for details) found and started following me on Twitter. My Chinese friend who was looking on at my large screen was visibly impressed albeit slightly puzzled.
Don't ask how he found me because I don't know.
I haven't been able to stay on Twitter as long as I'd like due to recent VPN problems but I did manage to tweet him after finding a mistake on the book site and he was both gracious and grateful. Briefly, the following comprise the 8 Habits:
The Habit of Generosity
The Habit of Stillness
The Habit of Truth
The Habit of Candor
The Habit of Play
The Habit of Forgiveness
The Habit of Compassion and...
The Habit of Community
What Reverend Ed Bacon did wasn't a first. Examples are legion. But from people affiliated with President Obama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu to renowned Digital/Social Media experts, scholars and Design gurus, the lesson is obvious: People are watching...
And the question you always have to ask yourself is: What kind of Community do you want your actions to have the effect of building? Distrust, mistrust, suspicion, a get-together aimed at pouring scorn on others in the same Community?
I once met a young Chinese lady who divides her work time between Hong Kong and Guangdong (China). She'd been trying to meet me for months and so when I received her call after leaving Luohu (China) Customs, we agreed to meet at a plaza nearby. Almost as soon as we found a cleaner bench inside the Plaza building, she said: “You...you're different”. I said, “How do you mean? Tell me more...You just finally met me, remember?” Then she started telling me about this “dinner” I'd previously never heard of, wearing a disgusted look on her face. “I went to one them...So shallow. So fake. But I see what you do”. Or something like that. And there, I stopped her because I was quite tired that day and wanted to lean on the positive. Fortunately, what I got next was a more soothing description of her quiet typically traditional Guangdong family life, aging parents and grandparents who live in the same house she keeps returning to no matter how busy. No hotels. No personal apartment although she's affluent enough to afford one. It was a (credible) picture of grace in action. An inspired Taker-Watcher, I guess. She did have good intentions, I thought. And in a strange kind of gracious way, there she was, like an echo...sharing and feeding her positive inspiration, with, and back at me.
I like how Rev. Ed Bacon addresses grace, which is a recurring theme in my blogs. A theme that has more to do with proof. That is, what one actually does or how one stands up to friends and enemies alike together with accountability, more than it has to do with words.
You may click the image below to either listen to, or download (depending on your browser's settings) another insightful discussion involving him.
One thing anyone involved in consistently creating truly thought-provoking content advancing the 8 Habits above that negatively-inspired Taker-Watchers don't is the line: “I've been reading (and/or downloading) your stuff all this time. And I just want to thank you for changing my life”. Or some variation of that.
Those are the private emails and messages together with the discreet job offers, that remind you, that the most serious, constructive, positive stuff almost always will be behind the scenes. Often virtually impossible for those who lack positive (life or business) vision and imagination to both fathom and/or enjoy.
That is what grace sounds, looks and feels like.
These are the lovers. Giver-Lovers.
Another strange but consistent thing about Giver-Lovers who are also Taker-Watchers is: they say “Thank You” a lot. Obsessively, in fact. One way or another, they find creative ways to express gratitude. Not, I'm convinced, because they understand practically all art is derivative as I learned in one of my first lecture in Law School and Steve Jobs understood too well. But because, I'm convinced, they know value when they see it, —which requires humility, wisdom, grace, imagination and the art and habit of building people up. Not tearing down, or lying in wait for another's failure.
Just like Rev. Ed Bacon who follows but importantly leads positively, they act locally but think globally. They have a (positive) strategy, know who they are and where they're going. They outlove; not just outthink their competition. And most importantly, they understand the web and what Social Media is without which ignorant comments on Social Media is rife much like Two Dimensional Thinking will lead you nowhere.
Giver-Lovers like Seth Godin are passionate artists chiseling away at constructive dialogue, vision or missions. They are not looking for "comments", "numbers", "popularity" and other superficial measurements. Godin's blog is all about ideas. No comments. In fact he, like me, does not believe in trite remarks I keep seeing to the contrary. “It's a positive habit to deliberately insulate yourself from this feedback. Don't ask for it and don't look for it. Yes, change what you make to enhance delight. No, don't punish yourself by listening to the mob”, he argues.
Whatever you're up to, people are watching. They may or not be negative Taker-Watchers, like The Woman in Black. Like the user who spends several lines telling someone his "business" blog is copy paste and even citing copyright terms.
But like an echo, it all comes back as karma.
Every act of unwarranted ingratitude or brash interference in another's small happiness manifesting itself through (bad) health, stress, unhappiness, business or personal relations, etc. In one form or another. I know and have worked with people like that who almost invariably had chronic or stress-related health problems. It's the circle of life.
And that's something always forgotten or not understood...conveniently...until it is inconvenient.
It makes no difference whether you are taking someone else's idea, blog, inspiration or gift and shamelessly adulterating it, making your ME-TOO version; and turning around and using it maliciously to draw attention to yourself.
Just remember to be grateful and show it.
And immediately, you become a positive Taker-Watcher who is all about building a positive Community. Anything less, makes one just another destructive or useless Woman or Man in Black.
Criticize by positive creation. Not by finding fault. Because that's what the best Social Critics do. They give you, society, or their audience a lot to think about. And that's art. That's service. That's humanity.
○ ○ ○
○ ○ ○