五首新歌 Five Chinese Songs （本来我写了“无首新歌”。 我这么笨）
《蛇口之恋》 - Shekou Romance
深圳南山区里有一个特别的地方方
Shenzhen's Nanshan District has a special place
那里没有名胜古迹因为历史不长
那里没有名胜古迹因为历史不长
A place that has no sites of interest to tourists as there is no history
环境不好
环境不好
The environment isn't good
物价很高
物价很高
Commodity prices are high
但是蛇口的女孩子最性感
但是蛇口的女孩子最性感
But Shekou has the sexiest girls
台湾的老龙经常来深圳出差
台湾的老龙经常来深圳出差
Lao Long from Taiwan often comes to Shenzhen on business
他在老家有老婆还有小孩
他在老家有老婆还有小孩
He has a wife and kid at home
但是在深圳
但是在深圳
But in Shenzhen
他爱上了一个人
他爱上了一个人
He's fallen in love with a girl
所以把她当成他的蛇口二奶
So he's made her his Shekou mistress
所以把她当成他的蛇口二奶
So he's made her his Shekou mistress
蛇口之恋， 不要有传统观念
Shekou romance, leave aside your traditional values
他告诉二奶“我爱你
他告诉二奶“我爱你
He tells his mistress: "I love you
的身材”
的身材”
-r body."
以前二奶在深圳的一个工厂里上班
以前二奶在深圳的一个工厂里上班
The mistress used to work in a factory in Shenzhen
当时她不知道如何有安全感
当时她不知道如何有安全感
Back then she didn't know how to have stability
现在她知道
现在她知道
Now she knows
一切会好
一切会好
Everything's gonna be okay
为了赚钱她只要躺在床上
为了赚钱她只要躺在床上
To make money, all she needs to do is lie on her back
以前她跟真心的男人在一起
以前她跟真心的男人在一起
She used to be with a man who loved her true
现在她知道幸福在哪里
现在她知道幸福在哪里
Now she knows where happiness really lies
她知道有道德
她知道有道德
She knows that having morals
不如有宝马车
不如有宝马车
Is not as good as having a BMW
她终于发现了爱情算个屁
她终于发现了爱情算个屁
She's finally discovered that love is worth less than shit
蛇口之恋， 她热爱这个台湾男人
蛇口之恋， 她热爱这个台湾男人
Shekou romance, she loves this Taiwan man
她爱他的钱包， 也爱他
她爱他的钱包， 也爱他
She loves his wallet, and loves him
的护照
的护照
for his passport
《外星人》Aliens
This is a Chinese-language version of my song"When I See a Starry Sky"
当城市的灯已经熄灭
在月光温暖冷冷的夜
你望着天上的星时问我
人类在宇宙是否独一无二
我说"亲爱， 只有你比星空漂亮，
我想告诉你我的姑娘
如果别的星球跟地球一样
那里肯定有很多王八蛋"
哪里 都有纯sb
哪里 都有纯sb
我还记得从前芬芳的夏夜
我被外星人抓到飞碟
他们的领导人说了一个外星鬼子
绝对不能娶他的女儿
开普勒22b星球离我们很远
那里人跟我们没有共同语言
如果我们跟他们沟通的话
我敢说他们会说很多狗屁话
哪里 都有纯sb
哪里 都有纯sb
他们也会说地球不如外星漂亮
你应该学"去你的"用外星语怎么讲
《祝你生日快乐》- Happy Birthday
This is basically a Chinese-language version of "The Happy Happy Birthday Song" by The Arrogant Worms which was sung at Bill's birthday last year.
今天我们一起喝酒然后吃蛋糕
《孤独黑夜》Lonely night
家人和朋友
Family and friends
都建议我
All suggest
开始理我老婆
I take more notice of my wife
现在她不断打鼾
Now she is snoring
她越来越不漂亮
Her beauty is diminishing
我希望她睡个好觉
I hope she sleeps well
明天她给我做饭
Tomorrow she has to cook for me
她说我喝太多酒
She says I drink too much
她也不陪我看球
And she never watches football with me
有时我真的想要
Sometimes I really want
用qq或微信泡妞
To use qq or Weixin to chase girls
听她唠叨让我怀念
Hearing her nagging makes me nostalgic for
以前单身的时间
My single life
如果老婆
If my wife
听我这么说
Heard me talk like this
她会拿鸡蛋砸我
She'd kick me in the balls
如果我用微信找到一夜情
If I were to use weixin to arrange a one night stand
以后我是否会收到发票
Would I later receive an invoice in the mail?
现在找点浪漫
How could looking for some romance
怎么会这么困难
Be so difficult
家人和朋友
Family and friends
都建议我
All suggest I
开始理我老婆
Start taking notice of my wife
你老了一岁就表示你还没死掉
吃完晚饭后我们去KTV唱歌
到时我们唱一首祝你生日快乐
祝你生日快乐
我们唱这首歌
你老了
你胖了
你许个愿吧
以前你说世上没有做不到的事
你想发财，环游世界甚至想写诗
你想和你的梦中情人白头到老
现在爱情生活空虚工作很无聊
祝你生日快乐
我们唱这首歌
你老了
你胖了
你许个愿吧
我们打算把蛋糕扔到你的脸上
当你被涂满奶油我们会照个相
虽然这样的行为又幼稚又浪费
我们怕吃蛋糕会让你成为肥鬼
祝你生日快乐
我们唱这首歌
头发白了
老年来了
身体被气坏了
不久前你爱玩泥巴和看动画片
不久后你就会成为无聊的老人
不久前你父母必须给你换尿布
不久后你孩子必须给你换尿布
《孤独黑夜》Lonely night
当我闭不上眼睛
When I can't close my eyes
我看当前的夜景
I gaze upon the cityscape
远远的街灯明了
The far away street lights are shining
闪着无数的明星
Under countless stars
孤独黑夜的海上
I am lost on the sea
我都迷失了方向
Of the lonely night
走到光亮的地方
And even when I find the light
前途却依然渺茫
I still cannot decipher a direction
我默默地呼唤
I promise myself
以后我不会孤单
Some day I will not be lonely
When I can't close my eyes
我看当前的夜景
I gaze upon the cityscape
远远的街灯明了
The far away street lights are shining
闪着无数的明星
Under countless stars
孤独黑夜的海上
I am lost on the sea
我都迷失了方向
Of the lonely night
走到光亮的地方
And even when I find the light
前途却依然渺茫
I still cannot decipher a direction
我默默地呼唤
I promise myself
以后我不会孤单
Some day I will not be lonely
家人和朋友
Family and friends
都建议我
All suggest
开始理我老婆
I take more notice of my wife
现在她不断打鼾
Now she is snoring
她越来越不漂亮
Her beauty is diminishing
我希望她睡个好觉
I hope she sleeps well
明天她给我做饭
Tomorrow she has to cook for me
她说我喝太多酒
She says I drink too much
她也不陪我看球
And she never watches football with me
有时我真的想要
Sometimes I really want
用qq或微信泡妞
To use qq or Weixin to chase girls
听她唠叨让我怀念
Hearing her nagging makes me nostalgic for
以前单身的时间
My single life
如果老婆
If my wife
听我这么说
Heard me talk like this
她会拿鸡蛋砸我
She'd kick me in the balls
如果我用微信找到一夜情
If I were to use weixin to arrange a one night stand
以后我是否会收到发票
Would I later receive an invoice in the mail?
现在找点浪漫
How could looking for some romance
怎么会这么困难
Be so difficult
家人和朋友
Family and friends
都建议我
All suggest I
开始理我老婆
Start taking notice of my wife
《红歌》 Song Glorifying China
穷人都很野蛮， 富人很腐败
奶粉都有毒， 还有地沟油
The poor are all unkempt, the rich are all corrupt
高中学生都梦想跑到海外
高中学生都梦想跑到海外
High school students all dream of studying abroad
虽然没有人喜欢教育制度
虽然没有人喜欢教育制度
Even though nobody likes the education here
中国依然是伟大的民族
中国依然是伟大的民族
China is still a great nation
物价越来越高， 男足越来越差
物价越来越高， 男足越来越差
Prices are getting higher, the football team's getting worse
有个性的小学生都会被老师骂
有个性的小学生都会被老师骂
Children who have personality all get put in their place
虽然老百姓都活得非常辛苦
虽然老百姓都活得非常辛苦
Even though the ordinary people live live exhausting lives
中国至少不是印度
中国至少不是印度
At least it's not India
不是印度， 不是印度，
It's not India, it's not India
中国至少不是印度
中国至少不是印度
China is at the least not India
虽然必须有计划生育
虽然必须有计划生育
Even though there has to be a one-child policy
中国至少不是印度
中国至少不是印度
It could be worse, it could be India
奶粉都有毒， 还有地沟油
The milk powder's all poisoned, there's also gutter oil
但是没人阻止中国人吃牛肉
但是没人阻止中国人吃牛肉
But nobody stops Chinese people from eating beef
中国有道教， 儒家， 天主教和佛教
中国有道教， 儒家， 天主教和佛教
China has Taoism, Confucianism, Catholicism and Buddhism
可是中国人不会在长江里洗澡
可是中国人不会在长江里洗澡
But Chinese people still don't wash in the Yangtze River
全国都有一门共同的语言
全国都有一门共同的语言
The whole country has one common language
也有比较现代化的婚姻观念
也有比较现代化的婚姻观念
And also has fairly modern attitudes toward marriage
中国人绝对不会用左手擦屁股
中国人绝对不会用左手擦屁股
Chinese people would never use their left hands to wipe themselves
中国至少不是印度
中国至少不是印度
At least it's not India
被香港人看不起没那么痛苦
不是印度， 不是印度，
It's not India, it's not India
中国至少不是印度
中国至少不是印度
China is at the least not India
虽然必须有计划生育
虽然必须有计划生育
Even though there has to be a one-child policy
中国至少不是印度
中国至少不是印度
It could be worse, it could be India
被香港人看不起没那么痛苦
Being looked down on by Hong Kong people isn't so bad
因为大陆人都能看不起印度
因为大陆人都能看不起印度
Mainlanders can always look down on India
不是印度， 不是印度，
It's not India, it's not India
中国至少不是印度
中国至少不是印度
China is at the least not India
虽然必须有计划生育
虽然必须有计划生育
Even though there has to be a one-child policy
中国至少不是印度
中国至少不是印度
It could be worse, it could be India
Views: 81
Comment
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Comment by LLY on February 27, 2013 at 11:14am -
You are not stupid, just silly.But I thought you might do that on purpose, because it could also make sense, but just not equivalent to the English.
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Comment by Gone on February 26, 2013 at 11:55pm
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COOL.高产作家
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Comment by Zen on my back on February 26, 2013 at 2:26pm -
Ahah, great stuff.
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