Fuck Me, Fuck Him, and Fuck You Too!

Apologies for the excessive use of expletives, but last night was quite extraordinary. I attended my mates annual 'end of the summer' get together. A venue of wine, and song. (Not many women except gf/wives and partners, so as usual I was one of the odd ones out) To show for the evening we ended up with one marriage bust up, a cat fight, some alleged infidelity, a three man punch up, and a trip to the hospital. And all before midnight strangely enough. 

The wine (for the ladies) was flowing well into the night after dinner finished around 8pm and spirits were really good. It was a nice atmosphere. There was some I knew quite well attending, a few I knew slightly and a few new arrivals to China. The key players in the drama were an American (guy) his Chinese ex-gf, his new Chinese (younger) gf. A French wine maker living in China for many years. An Australian importer, also been in China for several years. A Scottish mate of mine, and his wife. 

Now, at around 10pm the American got a call from his ex-gf which did not please his new (younger) gf at all. She wanted to know what the ex-gf kept calling him for, and he should have changed his number by now. Not what you would call an argument as such, but a minor spat which very quickly got out of hand when the ex-gf turned up and demanded to speak to the American 'outside'. There was our cat fight. The ex-gf slapped then new (younger) gf round the face when she told her 'he' did not want 'her' to keep bothering 'him' 'her man' (emphasized) and when the younger gf retaliated they got into it, and had to be separated (mores the pity) 

It also turned out that the French wine maker had an affair with my Scots mates wife (before they were married or got together apparently) which he knew about, but My Scots mate never likes to see this French guy regardless. The Australian started this fight by keeping on teasing my Scots mate with things like "How could you let that French c**t shag your wife and get away with it" The French guy told the Australian guy to 'STFU' and "mind his own business" etc, etc and a heated argument followed with the French guy and Australian guy continuing trading insults outside the bar. 

It was actually my Scottish mate who went out to calm things down, but before I knew what happened it was all off with the three of them. I heard the French guy say (questioningly) "Fuck me"? "Fuck me"?! Followed by the "fuck him, and fuck you too". The bar owner called the Police but by the time they came it was all over. My Scottish mate upon re-entering the bar was told off by his wife and then started laying into her about shagging the French guy way-back-when. It was at this point the Police strolled in. I was sitting the whole time at the far end of the bar with a new recently arrived brit who asked me if this kind of thing was normal in China. What could I say? Shit happens and of course - T.I.C

Seemingly having forgotten his own mini drama earlier the American at this point was finding it all highly amusing. I myself never do though (shame about the cat fight though, over before it started really) After a brief explanation to the officers and a bung for a few broken glasses and such to the bar owner it all calmed down again. The hospital was merely for a few cuts and scrapes on the French and Australian guy who left directly afterwards. But I think the most tragic thing of the evening was when the French guy told the Scottish guy his wife had shagged another Brit (long since gone) just before he married his wife (during the outside argument) And the clashes between them after culminated in him threatening to divorce the 'bitch' and her threatening to divorce the 'psycho bastard'

So another typical Friday night in the land of perfection. I was quite exhausted after it all. In the end there were me, the American and my Scotch mate all playing dice with the bar owner and his wife until 4 in the morning. Not being able to help herself (and the reason I left at 4am) the wife of the (Chinese) bar owner after hearing the evenings goings on in Chinese started up that her husband once shagged one of the female customers in the bar one night... Ahem... "Goodnight" says I upon hearing this, got up, and headed home.

It was still dark as I headed down the road. I thought a nice stroll home in the morning air would be nice, so I pulled my ears out of my pocket, plugged myself in to a little walking home music, counting my blessings, and adjourned for the evening.

China: You couldn't make this shit up.

Apologies for any errors as I was interrupted by a video call preventing me from checking this before posting.