I came across this short jokes, so I share them with u guys, enjoy!!
BB King's Birthday Present
For BB King's birthday, his wife wanted to give him something very
special! BB already had pretty much everything a person could want,
money, fame and happiness! BB's wife decided to get "BB" tatooed on
her butt, a "B" on each butt cheek.
That night, after eating dinner and cake, she decided to give BB her
gift. After explaining that her gift was very special, she proceeded
bend over and pull her pants down, revealing her bare, tatooed ass!
She told "BB" to look.
He looked and said, "That's great honey... but who in the fuck is
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll
make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my
genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return
for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar,
dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open
mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute,
the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top
of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his
genitals, unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The
man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone one hundred dollars who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back
of the bar.
A buxom young blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have
to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
God's Gifts to Adam
One day The Lord spoke to Adam. "I've got some good news and some bad
news," The Lord said.
Adam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news
Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you, one is
called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve
problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ
I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical
pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and
populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this
organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given
to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never
be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
Don't Fall Asleep in Church
A man who went to church with his wife always fell asleep during the
sermon. The wife decided to do something about this. One Sunday, she
took a long hatpin with her to poke him with every time he would doze
off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out,
"And who created all there is in six days and rested on the seventh,"
she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed,
"Good God almighty!"
The minister said, "That's right, that's right," and went on with his
sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath and later
began to doze off again. When the minister got to, "And who died on
the cross to save us from our sins," the wife hit him again, and he
jumped up and shouted, "Jesus Christ!" The minister said, "That's
right, that's right," and went on with his sermon.
The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the
minister got to, "And what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of
their second child?" the wife started to poke the husband again, but
he jumped up and said, "I f you stick that damn thing in me again,
I'll break it off!"
Morris' Wedding night
At 85 years, Morris marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her
new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night
they should have separate bedrooms.
She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After
the wedding festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock
on the door she is expecting.
Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action.
They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his
leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.
After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there old Morris
is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to
further coupling which is again successful after which the
octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and is close to
sleep, for the second time when there is another knock at the door and
there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more.
Once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they're laying in
afterglow the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a
man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with
guys less than half your age who were only good for one time. You're a
great lover Morris."
Morris looks confused, and turns to her and says," I was here
What's Your Name?
A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the
bar on her own. After a couple of drinks he decided to offer her a
drink and make small talk. She accepted.
"What's your name?" he asked her.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name. Did your mother or father name you that?"
"Neither. I changed my name when I was eighteen from Sharon to
"Why did you do that?" he asked.
"Well," she explained, "I like men and I like cars, so that is how I
got my name. What's your name?"
"Beerpussy," the man replied.
With Jesus Now
Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken
laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky.
When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and
his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.
They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad
came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we
nearly lost Mommy today."
"What?" his father replied.
"When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her
legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm
coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have
lost her for sure!"