'High Definition' Strategic Marriage & Relationship Values (3)

▼Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis▼

GLAMOR LOOKS SOMETHING LIKE THIS

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BUT WE PAY LIP SERVICE TO COMMITMENT & MAKE A MOCKERY OF MARRIAGE WITH DISMISSIVELY ERRONEOUS RELATIVIST POSTULATES

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AND SOMETIMES, THOSE "DISMISSIVELY ERRONEOUS RELATIVIST POSTULATES" TEACH US THAT COMMITMENT MUST BE DONE RIGHT

I'm no fan of speculation. I have absolutely no interest in judging Johnny Depp or Vanessa

Paradis. And until I hear it from his own mouth, I am not even interested in whether or

not it is true Depp became “bored senseless” with their relationship. Nevertheless, I

live to learn from others' failures and successes. That is really what this blog and the

triumph of the improbably named “Loving” family, thanks to their commitment to

each other, are all about. I used Act 2 of The Fully Integrated Life Chronicles

to drive home the point we don't just mistake glamor for beauty. We assume

it is somehow OK to look up to celebrities because they are glamorous. And

what do we do when their relationships fall apart? Naturally: we use them

to justify our evolving beliefs & unwillingness to commit to meaningful,

lasting relationship traditionally called “marriage”. Sure, one of my

best friends (now 50) has been with the same woman for almost

twenty years. They're unmarried and have a beautiful 8yr old.

I love him. But he fully understands although my marriage

failed, I, much like the Lovings, steadfastly continue to

believe in the institution of, and principle behind the

beautiful thing we call marriage. As I pray & hope

the best for Depp & Paradis, the words of Bill

Elliff continue to feed what Part 1 began;

powerfully reminding all: “Every wrong

behavior begins with believing a lie.”

“Our culture”, he writes, “promotes

many deceptions that can quickly

destroy a marriage.” For those

(and you know who you are)

who text or e-mail me such

questions as: “What kind

of woman will you love

or marry?”, it's better

to understand first,

how commitment,

grace & patience

works. Because

commiment

done right's

true love

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The 8 Lies & Myths that Destroy a Marriage

Source, here

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Lie #1: "My happiness is the most important thing about my marriage.”

Every marriage knows unhappiness. Every marriage knows conflict. Every marriage knows difficulty. But everyone can be joyful in their marriage by focusing on God’s purposes and His glory instead of individual happiness.

As a pastor, I can’t tell you how many people have justified breaking up their marriages by saying, “I have to do this. God just wants me to be happy.”

But according to God’s Word, a spouse’s individual happiness is not the purpose for marriage.

The Bible says in Colossians 3:17: “Whatever you do in word or deed,” do for the glory of God. 无论做甚麽，或说话或行事，都要奉主耶稣的名，藉着他感谢父神。 While all parts of creation are to glorify God, mankind was made in God’s very image. Through marriage, husbands and wives are to reflect His character and have children who will reflect His character…all the way to the end of time.

Lie #2. “If I don’t love my spouse any longer, I should get a divorce.”

It’s a tragedy to lose love in marriage. But the loss of human love can teach us to access a deeper love—the very love of God Himself. That love is patient and kind…it never fails (I Corinthians 13). It even cares for its enemies.

When human love dies in a marriage, a couple can enter into one of the most exciting adventures they’ll ever have: learning how to love each other with God’s love. Romans 5:5 tells us that this very love “has been poured out within our hearts, through the Holy Spirit.” 盼望不至於羞耻，因为所赐给我们的圣灵将神的爱浇灌在我们心里。

Lie #3. “My private immorality does not affect my marriage.”

If you take your emotional and sexual energy and spend it on someone else, there will be nothing left for your spouse. Those who continually view pornography or engage in sexual fantasies are isolating themselves.

Oneness in marriage is hijacked by sexual immorality. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:15, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?”...岂不知你们的身子是基督的肢体麽？我可以将基督的肢体作为娼妓的肢体麽？断乎不可！

In the 21st century, there are many ways to join oneself with a prostitute: physically, through the pages of a magazine, on a computer’s video screen, etc. Paul’s advice is the same today as it was thousands of years ago: Flee immorality (I Corinthians 6:18)...你们要逃避淫行。人所犯的，无论甚麽罪，都在身子以外，惟有行淫的，是得罪自己的身子。

Lie #4. “My sin (or my spouse’s sin) is so bad that I need to get a divorce.”

Some of the greatest life messages I know are the marriages of people who have repented from sexual sin and spouses who have forgiven them. Their lives today are living testimonies to the truth found in Joel 2:25: “… I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten.” 我打发到你们中间的大军队，就是蝗虫、蝻子、蚂蚱、剪虫，那些年所吃的，我要补还你们。

The truth is God can fix our failures—any failure. The Bible says to forgive one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Colossians. 3:13). 倘若这人与那人有嫌隙，总要彼此包容，彼此饶恕；主怎样饶恕了你们，你们也要怎样饶恕人。

“But,” you ask, “Doesn’t Matthew 19:9 say that God allows divorce in the case of sexual immorality?”...我告诉你们，凡休妻另娶的，若不是为淫乱的缘故，就是犯奸淫了；有人娶那被休的妇人，也是犯奸淫了。 Yes. I believe that it does—when there is an extended period of unrepentance. Yet, nowhere in that passage does God demand divorce. When there is sexual sin, we should seek to redeem the marriage and so illustrate the unfathomable forgiveness of God.

Lie #5. “I married the wrong person.”

A wrong start in marriage does not justify another wrong step. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good,” says Romans 8:28, “to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” 我们晓得万事都互相效力，叫爱神的人得益处，就是按他旨意被召的人。

Many people have told me, for example, that they are free to divorce because they married an unbeliever. “I thought he/she would become a Christian, but that didn’t happen. We need to get a divorce.” They recall that they knew it was a mistake, but they married anyway—hoping it would work out. Others claim that they just married someone who wasn’t a good match, someone who wasn’t a true “soul mate.”

Here’s the key for those who are now married: The Bible clearly says do not divorce (with the exception for extended, unrepentant sexual immorality). God can take even the worst things of life and work them together for good if we will just trust Him.

Lie #6. “My spouse and I are incompatible.”

I don’t know a lot of husbands and wives who are truly compatible when they get married. In marriage, God joins together two flawed people...

If I will respond correctly to my spouse’s weaknesses, then God can teach me forgiveness, grace, unconditional love, mercy, humility, and brokenness. The life of a person who believes in Jesus Christ is developed by responses to not only happy things, but also to difficulties. And those very difficulties include weaknesses.

That is why we are told in Colossians 3:12-13 to “put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other.”所以，你们既是神的选民，圣洁蒙爱的人，就要存（原文作穿；下同）怜悯、恩慈、谦虚、温柔、忍耐的心。倘若这人与那人有嫌隙，总要彼此包容，彼此饶恕；主怎样饶恕了你们，你们也要怎样饶恕人。 My spouse’s weaknesses are not hindrances. Instead, they are the doorway to spiritual growth. This is a liberating truth.

If I will respond to my spouse’s shortcomings with unconditional acceptance, my love won’t be based on performance. I won’t say, “You need to live up to these expectations.” I will be able to accept my spouse, weaknesses and all.

Lie #7. “Breaking the marriage covenant won’t hurt me or my children.”

Many consequences of divorce never go away...

When divorce enters a family, there are always scars. I know this firsthand; although I was an adult when my father committed adultery and divorced my mother, decades later there are still effects.

Blake Hudspeth, our church’s youth pastor, also understands the pain of divorce. He was 5 years old when his parents divorced, and it was hard for him to understand God as Father and to trust people. “The people I trusted the most split up.” He also found it difficult to accept love from others “because I didn’t know if they truly loved me.” And Blake developed a fear of marriage. “Am I going to follow the trend of divorce, because my parents and grandparents divorced?”

Blake’s father even wrote him and said, “This was the worst decision I made in my life. It was bad. It hurt you. It hurt our family. When I divorced your mom, I divorced our family because I broke a covenant that we were a part of.”

Lie #8. “There’s no hope for my marriage—it can’t be fixed.”

This may be the most devastating lie of all. Because in more than four decades of counseling couples, I’ve seen God do the seeming impossible thousands of times. In a dying marriage, He just needs two willing parties. God knows how to get us out of the messes we get ourselves into.

I tell these couples about people like Chuck and Ann, who were involved in drugs and alcohol before God restored their home. Or Lee and Greg, who were engaged in multiple affairs. God brought them back to Christ and to each other. Now they have six children and a marriage ministry. Or Jim and Carol who had taken off their wedding rings and were living in separate bedrooms and about to live in separate worlds when God redeemed them.

We must combat the lies about marriage. The truth will set us free (John 8:32).你们必晓得真理，真理必叫你们得以自由。 God can fix anything!

If you begin to think, There is no hope for my marriage, realize that, “With God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). 耶稣看着他们，说：在人这是不能的，在神凡事都能。

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