Kev the lyricist 原创歌曲

Political strategist Karl Rove employed the philosophy of "identify your opponent's strength and attack it." Another great thinker - me - has a similar philosophy: identify your biggest weakness, amplify it, and say "hey world, get a load of this!!!" And a strong(ish) contender for my biggest weakness is my singing voice, so here are some videos of me singing my self-composed (自创，自弹，自唱) Chinese songs.

Obviously, once translated they don't rhyme, because poetry is what gets lost in translation. Whatever they get in the way of a reception, I stand by them, because this is the only pastime that combines the three things I like most: learning languages, creative writing, and playing the guitar. I would never be so reckless as to depend on music to make money, so harsh criticism is welcome. In fact, I just took an additional job in journalism.

民工 Migrant Workers

我每天都遇到民工

I see migrant workers every day

对他们的生活什么都不懂

I know nothing about their lives

今天我不忙

Today I have nothing to do

所以问一个民工最近怎么样？

So I ask a migrant worker about his life

他很少看老婆或儿郎

He seldom sees his wife or son

从早到晚在街角上发传单

From sun-up to sun-down he hands out fliers on the street

我说那很辛苦

He seems to have it really hard

另外他每一天吃含地沟油的食物

And every day he eats food made with gutter oil

但是连民工也有自己的梦想

But even migrant workers have their dreams

他某一天会成为欺负员工的老板

Some day he'll become a boss who bullies his workers

他明年春节回不去

He can't make it home next Spring Festival

他在网吧才能上qq

He has to be in an internet bar to go on QQ

他真有压力

He really faces a lot of pressure

而且他被很多吃货的人看不起

And he's looked down on by a lot of useless people

现在这个民工活得非常狼狈

Right now this migrant worker has a life full of hardship

但他将会成为养三个二奶的色鬼

But some day he'll be a playboy with three mistresses

他每天都遇到不接受传单的人

Every day he meets people who don't accept fliers

但他某一天会用宝马撞死他们

But one day he'll run them all over in his BMW

好男人 Good Man

以前我不是好男人，我没结婚但养过二奶

In the past I wasn't a good man, I've never married but I've kept mistresses

那时我爱喝酒泡妞抽烟吃快餐还有打牌

At that time I loved drinking, chasing girls, smoking, eating fast food and playing cards

我爱说脏话，我也常爱挖鼻孔

I loved swearing, I also often picked my nose

我就是与众不同

I was a non-conformist

现在我的唯一爱好是在家帮姐姐看宝宝

Now, my only hobby is staying at home and looking after my sister's baby

晚上我看电视例如《绝望主妇》和《非诚勿扰》

In the evenings I watch TV such as "Desperate Housewives" and "If You Are The One"

越来越喜欢更擅长换尿布

I'm getting better and better at changing the baby

我就是家庭主夫

I'm a house husband

哎呀呀也哎呀呀奥

Aiyayayeah Aiyayaoh!

我越无聊生活越好

Being boring makes me happy

哎呀呀也哎呀呀恩

Aiyayayeah Aiyayaen

我渐渐的变成

I'm slowly becoming

都市的男人

An urbane man.

因为怕有色情思想所以我全天戴安全套

In case I have dirty thoughts, I keep a condom on at all times

因为怕被黄色网站影响所以我家里没有电脑

Because there's porn on the internet, I don't allow computers in the house

当我在酒吧我也只会喝七喜

When I'm in a bar, I will only drink 7-Up

偶尔也会喝雪碧

On occasion I'll drink Sprite.

哎呀呀也哎呀呀奥

Aiyayayeah Aiyayaoh!

我越无聊生活越好

Being boring makes me happy

哎呀呀也哎呀呀恩

Aiyayayeah Aiyayaen

我渐渐的变成

I'm slowly becoming

都市的男人

An urbane man.

Baby baby 我真爱你

Baby baby I love you

但是结婚了后才能牵手

But we have to wait until we're married before we can hold hands.

道别 Farewell

道别前

Before parting

我想告诉你

I would like to tell you

我经常捧着你的脸

I often caress your face

在我白日梦丽

In my daydreams

你是我最喜欢德已婚女人第三

You are my third favourite married woman

我永远忘不了你，我暗恋的老板。

I will never forget you, the boss I had a crush on

道别后

Since parting

我后悔不告诉你

I regret not telling you

我要跟女友分手

I intend to break up with my girlfriend

你是否要跟老公分离?

Do you intend to leave your husband?

你比我的女友成熟，还有赚更多钱

You are more mature than my girlfriend, and you make more money

我依然想做你免费的小白脸

I still want to be your free toy-boy

也许我不道德

Maybe I'm immoral

不过我有房有车

But I have a house and a car

湖南 Hunan

东北的女孩不美

Northeastern women are not beautiful

台湾的歌手都gay

Taiwanese singers are all gay

新疆人的国语比我还烂

Xinjiangese people speak Chinese even worse than I do

我最不讨厌湖南

I hate Hunan the least

香港男人都养二奶

Hong Kong men all have mistresses

重庆人不够腐败

Chongqing people aren't corrupt enough

我也很讨厌河北和河南

I also hate Hebei and Henan

我最不讨厌湖南

I hate Hunan the least

我不是很热爱长沙

I don't love Changsha

我也吃不了酱板鸭

I can't eat soy duck

我也想打死汪涵

I want to beat up Wang Han (a Hunan TV star)

不过不过不过

But, but, but

我最不讨厌湖南

I hate Hunan the least

云南有好的空气

Yunnan has nice air

上海没有家庭暴力

Shanghai has no domestic violence

我也不讨厌四川

I also don't hate Sichuan

但最不讨厌湖南

But I hate Hunan the least

北京的学者很笨

Beijing scholars are stupid

他们也看不起深圳

They look down on Shenzhen

深圳人看不起自己的老乡

Shenzhen people look down on their own hometowns

我最不讨厌湖南

I hate Hunan the least

我不是很热爱长沙

I don't love Changsha

我也吃不了酱板鸭

I can't eat soy duck

我也想打死汪涵

I want to beat up Wang Han (a Hunan TV star)

不过不过不过

But, but, but

我最不讨厌湖南

I hate Hunan the least

不过不过不过

But but but

我非常讨厌

I really hate

我非常讨厌

I really hate

我非常讨厌岳阳

I really hate Yueyang

外国国歌 Laowai National Anthem

我每天都吃匹萨

I eat pizza every day

我经常说 “Hey man”

I often say "hey man"

恐怕我没有qq号码

I'm afraid I don't have a QQ number

我只有MSN

I only have MSN

我把啤酒当饮料

I drink beer like it was juice

我不能吃辣椒

I can't eat spicy food

我胸部上很有毛毛

I have a hairy chest

我早上不洗澡

I don't shower in the morning

我不喜欢打麻将

I don't play Mahjong

我没有黑头发

I don't have black hair

我有时挺佩服李阳

I quite admire Li Yang

但害怕被他打

But I'm afraid of being hit by him

我讨厌被叫老外

I hate being called Laowai

中文发音很奇怪

My Chinese pronunciation is very strange

我姐姐的皮肤白

My sister has pale skin

她也有大眼睛

She also has big eyes

我每天都吃匹萨

I eat pizza every day

我经常说 “Hey man!”

I often say "hey man!"

我国家比中国发达

My country is more developed than China

但需要你们的钱

But needs your money

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Comment by Kev on July 15, 2012 at 10:37am: I always run my lyrics by a Chinese person (usually my ex-girlfriend) before giving anybody else a listen.

Finding good music in Mandarin can be tough going. There are interesting lyricists out there, but there's not a lot of market demand for what they do. Here are some Shenzhen-based ones:

http://www.shenzhenstuff.com/profiles/blogs/shenzhen-based-singer-s...

Comment by Gabriel on July 15, 2012 at 10:22am: Cool man. Thanks. These are funny. I like your lyrics. Maybe I'll try to learn these songs. I would like to learn Chinese from music but I haven't found much Chinese music that I like. I found a couple of rap songs that I like but those are overwhelming to learn for a beginner like me. Did you consult with a Chinese person to make sure the Mandarin is accurate or is your Mandarin actually that good you didn't need a native speaker?

Comment by Kev on May 16, 2012 at 5:29pm: @June I will work to improve my vocabulary before I book the test. Also, I find the writing test very strange, it is more a test of memory than of writing skills, so I need more practise at that type of test.

Comment by Kev on May 16, 2012 at 10:52am: @crabby I find that odd. I'm out of the country right now and can't open any Sina page, I haven't checked Sina Weibo in days.

Comment by crabby on May 16, 2012 at 10:02am: perfect ~~

but,Kev,I can't open your sina blog in your profile Information,this url http://blog.sina.com/cn/kmcgeary,IE explorer said that page was not found~I can open http://blog.sina.com.cn/kmcgeary

Comment by Rain - Unlicensed Sexologist on May 16, 2012 at 9:59am: I won't change a bit

I just laughed out loud, and my coworkers gave me a glare. Good lyrics man.

Comment by Kev on May 16, 2012 at 9:54am: @Jmt anytime

@Isabelle If I do become famous I'll become the kind of guy who hates the working man and thinks I'm too important to pay taxes - in other words, I won't change a bit.

Comment by Isabelle on May 16, 2012 at 9:50am: LOL. I'll buy you dinner later, so when you get famous one day you won't forget me. :D

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