pee

and i thought ive heard it all until...

a female friend who swung by my office to visit told me one of the wackiest and funniest shit ive heard in a long time and thought i share it with yall

so, during our conversation the subject lead to about her telling me how lucky guys for not having to wipe after peeing
"you guys can just kinda shake it off and youre good to go!"

i laughed out loud

then she continued ranting about how dirty dry tissue paper is due to all the dust and other stuff that can come so close to sensitive areas... especially for women that is and recommends all women to use a wet tissue as oppose to dry ones

"what do you do when you dont have any wet ones?"

she replied by saying "do it like the guys!"

"?????"

she goes, here are the steps to "womens guide to wiping your pee without tissue"
(i literally almost fell off my chair at this point from laughing so hard)

step 1
while sitting on the toilet, lift up your left thigh as much as you can and hit the floor with substantial amount of force with your foot. the shock it creates will drop 30% of the pee

step 2
now lift up your right thigh in same manner and repeat step 1. there goes possibly another 30 or more remaining pee off your butt

while wiping the tears off my cheeks, i asked how can you be so sure its all gone???

step 3
lift your semi-dry ass off the toilet seat and start gyrating your butt in smooth fluid like circular motion and then at one point come to an immediate stop! circular motion to the left and stop. circular motion to the right and stop. the trick is the build up good momentum and then come to a sudden stop so that pee will literally fall off... naturally

she goes, but it aint finished yet... ya gotta close the deal with step 4

step 4
while sitting position, lift your butt off the seat and spead open your butt cheeks as wide as you can with both hands and this time execute "up-down... up-down... up-down" motion so that the wind can naturally "dry off" the little remaining sprinkles

all i gotta say is... Supercaliespialidocious!