Aren't polite or just dont care?

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Thats a very particular question for guys.
I dont know how its going in Shzh, but i think i will find some support among woman here.
Sometimes woman needs help.
Just little help to carry heavy bags or repair door lock. Or feeling not good, need a seatplace in bus. Maybe she will not shout about this, but she needs it.
Ok i can understand, people dont care. I can carry my own f'ng heavy bags 200 meters along the street. I do not have anyone to help me and i do not ask. But why you, man, can let yourself close doors just infront of woman or take seats just infront of us? Or spit right under our feet? Or whistle after we walking heavy loaded? Or watch, sitting in cafe and smiling widely, how do we try to collect dropped stuffs? Or just stand and stare if we fall down suddenly? Does that make you feel more macho? Didnt ur mom teach you to be polite and help woman if she needs it? Or this is not common in modern world?
Yes, im oldfashioned conservative minded woman. And yes, exactly this man's behavior, makes us turn to radical sexists and feminists!
>:P

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christopher on April 7, 2008 at 1:12pm: You know Sherni, often times when I do try to do these things such as hold a door open for someone, often times they will walk by and not even acknowledge the fact that I had just tried to be courteous.
Sometimes I am left feeling that perhaps there is no point in trying to be polite or that those rules do not apply in China.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Christopher on April 7, 2008 at 2:07pm: Can you explain to me why men insist on smoking in the bathroom? I'm so confused by this; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Alex155 on April 7, 2008 at 1:15pm: trust me... i dont just stand there and stare when i see a lady fall down suddenly... i will LOL, the more prettier she is... louder the laugh. after enjoying myself to a good laugh, i will of course run to her aid and see if she would be interested in a strip of band aid from my bag

could it be that when the day comes that men are looking forward to getting flowers from women well . . . the feminist movement will be complete? hehehe

frankly speaking, in these days of destinys child crooning about independent women, and women believing that they can live without men, perhaps its hard for guys to realize that ladies do want to be treated like princesses

my verdict on this issue:
chivalry not dead yet; but on life support?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Christopher on April 7, 2008 at 1:19pm: I completely disagree. Feminism and chivalry are not mutually exclusive.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Nomad127 on April 7, 2008 at 4:43pm: You live in Shenzhen and the motto here is "Every man/woman for himself/herself" this is just the cold hard reality of living here in SZ (many other cities as well in China).

- If you drop stuff, people normally will not help you out rather, they will just stand there and stare at your misfortune.

- Hey, you bought it, you carry it!!

- Unless you are their wife, mother or child you can open your own damn door.

- Want a seat on the bus/subway? You need to be the first in line or shove your way past everyone else.

- Spitting is a hobby here, not a problem. The louder you can cough up a goober the better!

- Etc, etc, etc

I'm sure others will have a go at me for my comments, including Mr. Braveheart, but rudness is not a quality anywhere else in the world. I still try to be a gentleman, but it becomes difficult when people cut in front of me.

BTW: I was watching a program on TV yesterday about a man here in SZ who is suing 70 people in an apartment building because one day his wife is walking past it and someone, as usual, was throwing crap out their window, which happened to be a piece of glass this time, killing the lady. Or the guys brother who was hit on the head by a chopping/cutting board that had been thrown out of a window. Needless to say the guy now has permanent brain damage. Who in their right mind would throw something like this out of a window?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Christopher on April 7, 2008 at 4:54pm: In practical terms sometimes I sometimes do practice the every man/women for him/herself philosphy. But I still remain idealistic that what I consider common courteousy can be universal.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by David Jobe on July 15, 2008 at 1:42pm: I ask myself the same question everyday, it was only yesterday that I was walking out my apt. door when a large plant and pot fell about two metters in front of me. Your question who in their right mind would throw something like that out the window. My only answer is "the funny they about common sense is it is not that common.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kim on July 17, 2008 at 8:10pm: Chinese people's mind was twisted during the10 years' Culture Revolution. Students turned on teachers; kids turned on parents; brothers turned on brothers. It was a mass and it was a hard time for Chinese and the damage is still here. People have to look after for themselves and they don't trust in others. Think about it and give more comments here please.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sophie on July 23, 2008 at 11:03pm: Hi Una my dear,
I thought that between the human and human's relational always has shortcoming, anticipates or relies on others' time might as well much depending on ourself.
supposition it is exercises well the health when u carried the bags…Human nature shortcoming in this? no...
" Even if were once intimate lover, the mans perhaps might have made the pledge because the temporary goal or the impulsion, but after the matter past, actually forgot very faster and clean, never implements ..."
The intimate relationship so, why we count on these strangers?
The cities fills indifferently, the human sentiment is also so, love is not certainly sometimes exceptional.
But please remember, doesn't matter how others they do. we do not have too much accusations or puzzled… So long as we just comply with our innermost feelings, was a goodness person to be enough...
And here is China, living with too many people...they are come from everywhere, differently think even the culture not the same, everyday they are just wannat to buring money for life, they not too much care about others's lives. this is truely and realitly in here.
but trust me dear, i am here i am the nice person for you once u are in shenzhen please let me know where u carry the bags...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by longevity on April 7, 2008 at 8:45pm: I do actually totally agree on this last comment... it is very advantageous for woman to accept or reject "macho" attitudes at convenience... but totally unfair and definitely, I promised to myself to not play the game...

However, that does not mean that people should act like selfish uneducated b****rds. I do still believe in courteousy, althought not in "chavalry" (i spelled correctly? sounds so middle age :D:D:D:P) What I mean by that is that I believe necessary to be polite and supportive, not because the person in need is a good looking woman, but because it is another human being who need help... and so it should be done when the person is a "man" who need help. I do try to practice it and I think women also should learn to give up seats, help to repair locks, and carry the bags to people who is in a more difficult situation than theirs.

BTW, (and Una, this is not about you AT ALL) i also find very rude the behaviour of some women self-declared "ladies"... it seems that this self-coronation entitled them to be rude to people (e.g. waiters in the restaurants), expected to be treated like the Japanese Emperatrice, have all the bills paid even if they earn 3 times the salary of the guy, and be kissed in the a**e for no reason.... (although in that also blame the guys that would play the game in the hope (slight hope) of taking them to the bedroom...)

Anyway, the point is that imho, help should be provided between human beings... not between "men" and "women"; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by mirko on April 7, 2008 at 9:13pm: Una, man where from?
Just happen to be on bus and argue with a b...h about a seat, and many other episodes involving females.
I say to myself that we, gentleman, are few left, more like a joke, cos I offer my help but around here not very appreciated.
I agree with tha machos points; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Mike61 on April 8, 2008 at 2:02pm: Things will change, but it will take time. Thirty years ago when the HK MTR first opened, it was just like the SZ Metro is now. The first tip is to carry a heavy briefcase, then when you give up your seat to a woman with child [in either sense] or you stand back to let someone out first, then you can use your briefcase to interfere with the young guy who makes a dash for the seat or door. This also works with lift doors. Always apologise afterwards, though.

I am doing quite well with the door to my apartment building after four years of effort. It is not unknown now for people to hold the door for me when I am carrying shopping.

I always say "thank you" under circumstances that I would in the UK in restaurants, etc, although this confuses them. I think that confusing attractive waitresses is worthwhile in any case. I really miss Mama Huhu's snarled "buyongxie" reply, though, since she moved away.

I have carried bags and pulled suitcases, and, at my peak, held a child's hand crossing the road. Just keep on doing things and eventually people will learn that politeness not only costs nothing, but we will all get there faster in the end if we help one another. It won't happen in my lifetime, however.; ▶ Reply to This